Dealing With an Avoidant Ex: Relationship Therapist Explains What to Do to Win Them Back

Dealing With an Avoidant Ex: Relationship Therapist Explains What to Do to Win Them Back

Relationship breakdowns are never easy to deal with, and it can be difficult to decide what to do next: reach out, or disappear entirely? Is it really over, or is the relationship worth another try? Alexis Friedlander, a relationship therapist and founder of, offers everyone advice to get out of the post-breakdown daze and make the right decision for themselves and their relationship.

Alexis said: “Obviously, not everybody should get back with their ex; some relationships end for good reasons. That is why I always advise everyone to take the quiz I have devised to understand what your chances are to get your ex back. Starting from that, I aim to give people practical advice and tools to rekindle the relationship – or to heal from a difficult break-up.”

Choosing how to approach – or not approach – one’s ex post-breakup is a tough choice if there is a feeling that the relationship can still be saved, but also the fear of ruining all chances by doing the wrong thing. It can be especially tricky if the person in question is an avoidant – someone who tends to avoid intimacy and has a fear of commitment. As a former avoidant himself, Alexis is keen to help people understand how to interpret an avoidant’s often mixed signals – and how they can be won back.

Alexis said, “The independence and emotional scarcity of avoidants is something people often find attractive – it is part of human nature to want something we feel we can’t have or is difficult to obtain. Avoidants are easily scared away when they feel someone is coming to depend too much on them, for example, or when they feel too many boundaries are being crossed.

“However, they may come back if they realise you do not depend on them and are willing to work with them to redefine a new relationship on better terms and understanding.”

With years of experience as a relationship therapist, Alexis is open to giving relationship advice to anybody struggling after a tough break-up, is on hand to help individuals figure out their relationship style as well as cooperating with journalists and freelancers for podcasts, books and other projects – so that vital advice can find its way to the people who most need it.

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